20 mars 2008
“There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.”Tennessee Williams
Moved out of my childhood house last week, walls, rooms, souvenirs rippling across my face as I walked the corridors and gently murmured to myself. Furniture has not been packed yet and I imprinted a mental image of it all, desperately trying to hold on for as long as I could, catch every colours, every details forever. I was born in that house. I got stung by my first bee in that house.
I know every bolts, every cracks of this house. I know on which steps to stand to avoid making noises while climbing up the stairs at night. I know too much. I know where the pear tree used to stand majestuous in the middle of the lawn, whereas nowadays a smelly bush has replaced it. I still grieve one of the cherry tree that we had cut down a few summers back, it used to reach my room and I could grab the branches and pluck riped cherries in between my breaks from school. I can remember me and mein schatz, puss tri-coloured who adopted us, came one day and stayed, running round and round the house playing wolf or lying on the shedsunroof observing people walk past in the street from our high perched position. the smell of roses, lilac and my afternoons lying in the grass reading, daydreaming under the vine gently rocked by the bees buzzing in the grapes. I remember bbq's, parties, b'days in the cellar at 14-16 with the boys, I remember sundays and sitting by the fireplace or going for walks with the dogs in the woods nearby.
I come from Paris, the suburbs, but I realise that this place was out of the ordinary. A safehouse,a green pasture amongst the tarmac, noise and filth. 3 km from the city but still in nature. I am grateful for having grown up there, grateful for understanding cities yet aware I do not belong there or with the people who live in my hometown. I never fitted and having met oncemore 50 to 60 odds aquaintances, neighbours, friends during our goobye/atticsale day I have never felt better about who I am. God I would not give anything to be 17 again, EVER....There was a relief for having moved on but a regret for leaving this house.
The weirdest thing is that everytime I will come ''home'', well where I grew up, Paris, I will expect unconsciously to be able to sleep in that house, a bed, instead of visiting friends. I guess you learn to let it go and if you can't write a book.
26 mai 2007
Olga Bastien
When death set her footsteps in your own, there is generally a sense of loss, grief and pain that overwhelms you. You cry, you shout at whoever stands above, in dismay, this time I haven't. The last elderly in my family passed away, Olga was a beautiful simple country soul who loved to give and serve her family. I remember with fondness those summer months when I lived with her, getting up at sunrise, watering the garden, apricot trees, basilicum, fuchsia, roses, rapsberry bushes, the recipes she taught me made with southern sun goodness, fennels, tomatoes and love. Her stories, her advices on life, her gentle stare. Even if she wasn't my grand-mother I came to love her as such, part of this extended family, the only one I have. When you are 95, surrounded by your loved one and leave while sleeping, it is the apotheosis of a life. I am happy that she left us in this way, I am happy and will remember the past times, mustard grains planted in my heart to grow tall.
We love you Olga, I love you.
22 mars 2007
Ensnared enlightenment
Throughout days that linger in a sensual and dangerously city like death, I surrender to my old life; encrouch in a run that takes me to consumerism and globalisation, I nibble forbidden treasures found in the dusty cellar, read french authors aloud as if I was at the theater, wither from thirst in my aimless wander and observe my physical body struggle. My mind is left with incredible thoughts; an insight that flowers but for its electron size.
“To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face;to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains;to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me,even in the doing of little things, the Ultimate Purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through al the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done—this is how I desire to waste wisely my days”
Thomas Dekker compiled by: by Lillian Watson
04 juillet 2006
Resume 1- photos later
Back from an intermede in southern France, Cote D'azur and Charente maritime. Take a glass and mix in accordingly, your other half, entire family (which for myself is composed of 6 persons directly related), sunstrokes on my skin, slow death in 28 degres water as my head lingers under it's surface, 8-9 different flavors of icecreams, cicadas singing when night comes, gorgeous food, smells lingering after the rain, wet earth, eucalyptus tree. Talks with my kins, dancing with my cousin new bride, reconnecting with this part of my roots, the only roots I have. Visiting Marineland, a marine zoo with dolphins and killer whales, that I have visited every year since I was 2 or 3 years old. An old sanctuary of mine. Eating out fresh raviolis and gnocchis on my birthday with my cousins and parents. Times like those are rare. Add an old friend from high school who was marrying her high school sweet heart, memories of our times in class, strolling in the corridors, 10 years have gone past, 5 of us where reunited at this wedding. What is left from then? Old thoughts. What is now? 3 of them have kids and haven't moved from paris suburb, one has left France for good (myself), and the last is single in the southern france enjoying oneself. We are all One, as U2 sings, in our singularity and differences. One of the first wedding where I was moved deep inside, moved by this past history of ours, moved by what is coming, what was and is, simply moved, butterflies swirling. I filmed everything, tried, failed, disconnecting myself from this emotion through the lense, it gave me lapses to breathe in. As night came crickets sang, sky dark, stars alight, me and espen ran outside in the field nearby, sitting under the stars, looking back at the house, where laughter sprang, music, rejoicing...Those are the times you wait for, time of joy, and France won the match too. 2 combined happiness.
19 juin 2006
Southern Haven- Family times
Scorching sun on my skin
The last family Wedding
Soon we will be there, very soon...
23 février 2006
Still Alive
Hi Guys, No I haven't disappeared but was rather busy sorting out various part of our life and this webpage has thus been left out. To sum up short We have been to Egypt for a week with my parents, size the sun, sand and historical wonders in the palm of our hands, and for myself on film, grabbed a quick suntan and came back to France.
I have been in paris for the past 2 weeks, working on various concepts I had concerning a potential documentary film and roaming the city's libraries,the national library, becoming a bookworm, studying sociopsychology and the medical realm of handicapped people, catching up with friends, eating in tiny typical french bars, observing the moving crawling madness, dancing crowd of the underground, immerging my soul in the speedfast lifedraining tarentula that is Paris and loving it. Tomorrow I will happily leave this crazyness and exchange it for a village lifestyle where time is available, our common human folks are noble and cows and ducks are generally the only observers staring at my not so awakened face as the sunrise, unless it's saturday morning and I will have the chance of being at last reunited with my second half (do not like this expression), my man, and will stare into those big blue eyes...
26 décembre 2005
Happy New Year
Un tout petit mot pour vous souhaitez a tous de Bonnes fetes et une super annee 2006. Nous avons passes les fetes de Noel sur Paris en famille et serons en ANGLETERRE Jusqu'a undi prochain...
Small Note to wish you all a great New Year and a happy X-mas, solstice, anouka etc... We spent our time with my fmilly in Paris and are leaving tomorrow for ENGLAND. We won't be back until next monday.
Notre plus beau cadeau de Noel fait par nous meme pour nous meme risque d'etre ce merveilleux voilier de 14 metres 50 et de 4 metres 25 de large en Acier...Alors voila le monstre... Mais canalblog refuse de telecharger mon image, ce sera donc pour l'annee prochaine..Tant pis...Suspens...
Our best ever x-mas present from ourselves to ourselves might end up being this awesome steel boat 47 foot long found in a village in germany...Here it goes....Computer refuses to download the picture...you will have to wait guys..It will be for next year then..
23 octobre 2005
On the road again
I have been reunited with my buddy, other half, partner, chose whatever you prefer/ kick your fancy and we're hitting the road in a few hours. Last night was a reunion in Paris near Champs-Elysees where a friend has a flat, a friend that currently lives in Uk and we hadn't seen in a year. Him and his girlfriend just got engaged and it was a rather emotional evening...It was a typical french night, for the foreign people reading it means having an aperitif, alcohol like pastis (anis liquor), or porto or champagne (when you can afford it), we had vodka:). Later after one or two hours of chatting we moved to the dinner table and then well it's france, so one starterwith vodka again, dannish herring, then another with white wine french mussels in white wine, then the main meal with beer, veal in white wine again and a platter of cheeses and then dessert, fruits and chocolate. We were stuffed and our pallets satisfied and it was midnight by then. A small play of poker and they were ready to go out and us to go home...
...A new life, a new country, a new me since this trip to Alaska, let's give myself 2 months, until christmas, to decide where I am truly heading...See you soon frenchie's, we'll be back.
18 octobre 2005
Catchin'up
I am desperately trying to catch up with everyone round here and it is nearly impossible. Seen 3 girlfriends so far and might be able to catch up with most of them in the next 3 days. I slept 15 hours yesterday as jetlag started catching up with me in a drastic manner... I am therefore a normal walking human being and not a zombie anymore, feels great.
I don't seem to be able to get used to Europe. Culture is chokingly everywhere, 1000 years old building; historical artifacts and humanity is ever so present anywhere my path leads me. You forget those things with ease, at least I do. So what is next, well I am heading dow, to germany on saturday, then well Sorting out the usual insurance packages, been uninsured for 2 years, glops.... and searching for my life purpose which could lead me anywhere really, I will be looking pretty much anywhere, Europe, Africa, Asia, Usa (Though green card is still an issue). In the meantime I will travel back to Norway, take the ferry for a week or two, and hang out there to visit those long lost friends and get a REAL feel of winter and see some REAL snow too and maybe go to the employment office and see if they have some work up North where the midnight sun shines bright and sleepless too.
Time to drive around my mum, hit traffic and city lifestyle.
HUG to all of you Alaskans that reads me. I MISS U GUYS.
17 octobre 2005
Home
How many coffees; how many bad meals at airport bars, how many people watched and observed, how many hours of sleep spent on the edge of a hard seat, how many thoughts scribbled in my little orange notebook; how many pages read, how many memories remembered and past events ressassed, how many butterflies fluttering in my tummy, how many naps and dreams recollected, how many bookstores, how many plans premade in my agenda, how many good times...
How many have places have we travelled looking for one safe place, how many people met and lost on the way, how many coffees drank by yourself in foreign bars, how many sunset and sunrise lit yet darkened by your own imagination of emptiness, how many fake smiles and small talks just to get through with the next day, how many phone calls to your loved ones, how many hours listening to your own breathing; eyes wide opened in the darkness, how many rainy days wondering what will tomorrow be made off...
How many smiles given by strangers, people met by chance that awakened your soul, how many sunny days laying baking in the sun dozing in your own reality, how many hugs given and received, how many wonderful and eternal moments of grace, how many hikes in the widerness where you went ahead of yourself in time, how many thoughts and beleifs erased and rewritten in one night, how many days of wonders...
I have fared halfway round the world and I am Home, what would have been my home if I had not travelled...and for the first time in 9 years I see it with different eyes; a new vision, as if I was myself a stranger here and the beauty of it all is heightened...Welcome to my past life, my youth where past events lingers in places and awaken as I walk past a tree or a building...Where tarmac and red roofs melt and form a reality I had forgotten with ease...
